There are things I want in my home, and things I do not want in my home. While location, property and building specifics are important, that's not what these thoughts are about. The essence of a home is defined by the usage patterns, layout, room purposings, contents, decorations and otherwise how people inhabit the house they call home.
Experience has taught me there are certain things I want in my home. Some of these are necessities, and others are more in the nice to have category. For now I'm only listing a few examples, because the immediate focus of these thoughts is the next section.
I have discovered some things I don't want, and numerous others I have no need to experience before knowing that I don't want them. But as with wants, some of these things I absolutely do not want and would rather live somewhere else rather than have them in my home. Others are more like minor annoyances, things I can live with. Unfortunately I have found over time that many a minor annoyance becomes a major pain. Sometimes merely the accumulated stress from several minor annoyances are enough to make a home unbearable.
For the moment, those things that I won't have in my home have so preoccupied me that I'm not recalling even the simplest of annoyances. I'm sure in time, they will come to the surface. For now, maybe I'll list some placeholders.
There have been studies done that show that people will expend much more time and effort decreasing their discomfort rather than increasing their comfort. My recent thoughts have followed this pattern.
While I believe people should have the right to do whatever to their bodies they wish, I personally have chosen to abstain from any illegal drugs. And apart from the occasional drink (or frequent coffee) and appropriate medications of course, legal drugs as well.
There will be no storage, exchange or use of any illegal drugs in my home. Transport will be limited to flushing down the toilet. Period. Full stop. Non-negotiable. This is not a morality judgment. This is my absolute preference.
If you desire to partake of such substances, do so before you step foot on my property. If you desire to carry such substances, leave them at your home, with someone else, or in your car. Do not bring them to my home. They are not welcome.
Yes, tobacco is legal. As is nicotine. As are cloves. As are probably many other substances that people choose to smoke. They all share one thing however, they pollute the air in a manner that is known to be harmful to people, especially children (and the elderly, and people with asthma, etc.).
A home does not have as much air as the outside. Nor does it have as much circulation (although judicious open windows and well placed fans can come close). Indoor air pollution has much greater impact than outdoor air pollution. Even though it is (nearly) impossible to escape outdoor air pollution, the home is an opportunity to create a sanctuary, free of such pollutants.
If you must smoke, please do so outside my home, and away from any open windows. My lungs (and those of my guests) thank you for understanding.
I do not consider myself a religious person. I study religions from the perspective of an anthropologist studying a foreign or ancient culture. They are not a part of my identity. I have no interest in making them part of my identity.
I have friends who consider themselves religious. I also have friends who consider themselves spiritual. Some even consider themselves both. Over time I have grown to respect my friends' views and beliefs and have endeavored to show respect to peoples' myriad belief systems in general. When I am in the home of a friend who is religious I may even take part in their rituals, out of respect for my friend.
The past few years I have subconconsciously been considering a life with some amount of religious ritual. I say subconconsciously because I have avoided consciously confronting the issue, and instead, followed a path which would inevitably lead to a life with some (perhaps minor, but still some) amount of religious ritual. Holding hands at dinner time and praying, or perhaps praying with children before they go to sleep.
Even though I had avoided consciously considering whether it would be something I want or not, recently I became aware that a certain amount of background stress had been building up inside me, in response to the prospect of having to live in a household where religion was practiced, even just to a limited extent (e.g. just a few periodic rituals), and taught with any amount of being described as truth. It has been slowly building for a long time now. I have suppressed it for so long, I did not notice how much it had built up, to the point where it is so high that it is obvious there is something that I must confront, deal with and resolve.
It is clear to me that I do not want to live in a religious household. Periodic religious rituals won't be a part of my home. Not even a little regular prayer before bed time.
I don't know all the reasons why, but I do know a few of them. In some ways, the analogy of smoking is very applicable, albeit perhaps a bit harsher than I might intend. In the outside world, I can handle smelling smoke once in a while, I might even say that some tobacco smoke smells "interesting". But in my home, smoke makes me feel like choking. As it is with religion. As long as I can see it and observe it as something outside of me, that is fine.
As a home is considered part of one's identity and self, I do not want religion nor regular religious rituals in my home. I might light a match to light the stove, or perhaps as a demonstration, or even to burn the occasional candle. But I won't light a cigar(rette) nor will I allow others to do so in my home. And similarly, I might engage in a discussion of spiritual issues, or religious issues or practices. But such discussions would serve only to learn about religion, not to teach religion itself.
Of course if I have guests over who wish to practice a peaceful religious ritual or two, this I will tolerate, respect and accommodate. I won't even ask them to step outside, and away from any open windows. I may even show some curiosity and interest, from the perspective of better understanding. I will ask them to not do so around my children.
Another reason I know that religions make me uncomfortable is in the many ways that religions are potentially very evil and dangerous. The past few years of events should have made this obvious to even the most devout.
Regular religious rituals border on brainwashing, which serves to further propaganda, rather than intelligent discourse and debate, which serves to further understanding and enlightenment. In my home, there won't be any praying five times a day, nor a circle of handholding and praying before mealtime, nor kneeling besides the bed and praying before sleep.
Although some people get some benefit from religion, much harm is done as a result of religion. It is not only upsetting to me, but even absent being upset, it does not benefit me. In the cost/benefit analysis for me personally, not only is there too high a cost, there is no benefit, so therefore, there is no place for it in my home.
This particular thing I don't want in my home took much longer to describe and explain than I had expected. And as much as I have explained it, I sense that it will take even more explanation in the future.
by Tantek Çelik. Written 20021018. Updated 1019, 1026.