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May
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- 5/31 11:59 PM
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May has been a much more personally challenging month than I could have expected. I set out to switch my focus from internal to external and made it less than halfway thru that transition.
It started out with a wonderful spontaneous trip to Seattle, having a great time hanging out with Tara Brown and Ryan McMinn (thanks for hosting!), and a day of last minute meetings with many other Microsoft folks discussing microformats and evolving Communication Protocols for greater efficiency and productivity. Returning for mere hours in San Francisco I managed to repack for New Zealand and go climbing before jetting off to the other side of the international dateline.
The microformats workshops in Wellington and Christchurch went very well (thanks Webstock folks! Natasha, Sue, Mike), and I had a wonderful time in New Zealand exploring streets, cafes, climbing gyms (thanks CJ and Simone!) etc. A week was just enough time to feel familiar with a few things, meet some wonderful people and leave me wanting more.
I hadn't been home for more than a day before having the chance to return the place-to-crash favor to Ryan. A few days later my parents visited with some friends of theirs wherein I played impromptu tour guide and even got them to hike up Lombard street!
The next day a peaceful sunny hike in Muir Woods helped with reflecting and processing many thoughts.
A few days after that Jason DeFillippo successfully introduced Shayla and me to skateboarding. By the end of a couple of hours of practice we could do laps in the parking lot. Neighbor and relatively recent friend Micah helped me fix/tune-up my bicycle so I could put that to use as well. Learning a new physical skill (or refreshing old skills) increases cognitive alertness.
That week my dear friend Micki and I spent a day at the NetSquared conference (an annual source of inspiration for us both), and perhaps more importantly had the chance to catch up on many things during our drive to San Jose and back. That evening we got to meet up with Tara and Sean (near the end of their roadtrip from Seattle to LA) and few more friends to enjoy fake meat dishes at the vegan restaurant appropriately named "Enjoy Vegetarian".
Good conversations with many friends on many topics. As much as I tried to focus externally, I kept finding more and more that challenged me internally. At home I managed to get rid of several boxes of stuff (gave away to friends, set aside for BarCamp, donated) which helped lighten the load. Reducing physical clutter helps to reduce mental clutter.
At the end of the month, Tara stopped by SF for a few days. We celebrated Juliette Melton's birthday with some excellent Rock Band at Trammell's place and more conversations with good friends.
On this last day of May we packed in quite a bit. In another instance of facing something I've found uncomfortable or disliked in the past, with Tara's encouragement I jogged (most of) a mile to Jamba Juice in the Inner Sunset and back. I want to be able to run, at least short distances (a few miles) without difficulty, perhaps even sprint a mile if necessary, and clearly I have some work to do to get there.
We had planned to go to the Union Street Faire. However I finally followed up on a voicemail my father had left me (my sister txted me and told me I should call because "It was important" - always an ominous phrase), and found out that my adopted uncle Erdal amca had just passed away. As much as I tried to hold it together I couldn't. I broke down and was very lucky to have a friend like Tara around to comfort me, give me hugs and tell me it was going to be ok.
Eventually we made it down to Coffee To The People where we intended to just get coffees to go but ran into Eran and his friend Nina who had apparently also done the Seattle to LA roadtrip - 10 years ago - and thus much happy serendipitous conversation took place.
With the clock passing 5 the window had effectively closed to attend the Faire so we decided to be spontaneous. As we hit the road the skies opened up, the clouds cleared away and minutes later we found ourselves in Sausalito where a little walk along the Bay with hot cocoa/tea helped put things in perspective.
Rushing home to change for the Laughing Squid party we took the Presidio exit after crossing the Golden Gate bridge and despite not having the time to do so, stopped by to see Yoda for answers and inspiration. Drove directly to Blowfish Sushi meet up with Tara's friend Matt (another ex-Microsoftie who also worked in the Mountain View campus who I also never met and yet we both knew enough people in common to share tons of stories). Skipped changing and just went directly to the Laughing Squid party a couple of blocks away. The evening ended with an informal escape to a nearby bar with the usual suspects where we didn't stay too late since we both had things to do early the next morning.
This month went by so much faster than I expected. I think I predicted about 50% of what happened, and the other 50%, suffice it to say nearly knocked me off balance and probably would have, had I not had the support of my family and so many good friends (and perhaps an increasingly strong sense of balance from all that rock climbing). I can only hope I can provide my family and friends the same or better support myself.
I learned I had more vulnerabilities than I thought I did, and also learned that I had it in me to face (rather than deny, avoid, or suppress) new and different levels of emotional discomfort and pain, learning lessons, and growing stronger in the process. With rock climbing, often times you have to push yourself thru physical pain or exhaustion in order to make progress, to finish a climb, to develop your technique, get stronger, and gain confidence. It seems this is true in matters of the heart as well.
On the other side of confronting, facing, and understanding pain are new levels of strength, whether physical or emotional. Though self-realization of greater emotional strength and stability is its own reward, even more rewarding is putting such strengthened abilities to use and providing even more open and solid support to your friends, especially those you care deeply about who may need it the most.
Next month I have only one trip planned and two conferences and I think that will be plenty. I'm continuing to push on with focusing more externally but I have a feeling I'll continue to be personally challenged as well. Despite not knowing exactly what form they'll take, after facing May and coming out stronger than I went in, I can truly say I am not afraid.
Bring it on June, I know you will, and I will seek out and face your challenges with open eyes.
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