Tantek's Thoughts — 2008 June

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Posts
1. BarCampSeattle and Supernova 2008!
  created
  6/13 4:11 PM
  
  content
  tags:
  - barcamp
  - barcampseattle
  - supernova
  - supernova2008
  - conference
  - conferences
  - open
  - openflow
  Two excellent conferences coming up in the next few days that I strongly encourage you to attend.
  
  First, this weekend, the very first BarCampSeattle takes place at Adobe's offices in Seattle. The intro session starts at 10am Saturday (tomorrow) so be sure to get there early beforehand to get your badge etc. Watch Robert Scoble interview lead BarCampSeattle planner Tara Brown about what's in store for those that join us for BarCampSeattle.
  
  Join us for the informal BarCampSeattle pre-party tonight: Thingamajiggr and follow barcampseattle on twitter for updates.
  
  Second, next Monday through Wednesday is Supernova 2008 in San Francisco. Organizer Kevin Werbach has done a great job of bringing together an incredible set of speakers and participants and continuously evolving Supernova's format.
  
  Kevin asked me to help out this year with organizing and chairing the Open Flow track which takes place on Tuesday the 17th (I've been organizing it on a wiki page of course where you can view the latest updates and details. We've got good contrasting discussions planned on the topics of what do large companies mean by "open" since they seem to act so differently, what are the realities of "open" as a business model, what is the independent developer community doing to push "open" forward, and finally a session to throw all those viewpoints together and see what happens.
  
  Just this past Tuesday we held a teleconference preview on Open Flow. You can download the MP3 (109 minutes) and view the log of the simultaneous IRC chat as well.
  
  Follow supernova2008 on twitter for updates and hope to see you there!
  View blog reactions
2. 8 steps to participating in the funeral of a close friend
  created
  6/6 11:01 AM
  
  content
  tags:
  - personal
  - friend
  - funeral
  - ceremony
  - ritual
  - death
  - life
  "Death is a natural part of life. ... Mourn them do not, miss them do not." — Yoda
  
  While a mythical Jedi Master may have achieved a level of inner peace to handle the loss of a close personal friend with such calmness and dignity, the rest of us must simply do the best we can and perhaps cope by sharing. I decided to Twitter not just my experiences the day of Erdal amca's funeral, but also a realtime construction of a series of steps that came to mind (a protocol if you will) for handling such an event. As tweeted:
  1. Step 1: Get off the couch. Out of bed. Etc. Though an alarm or sunlight might wake you up, you need to take the initiative to get up and face a challenging day. Live in the moment as you do so, as you convince yourself to get up, and remember that feeling of acting on your will. This small act of will power is representative of many things that will require you to push yourself and just do it, and keeping that feeling in mind will help you with the more challenging tasks to come.
  2. Step 2: Warn your followers. If you are twittering your thoughts and actions about such an emotionally heavy event, I think it is only polite and considerate to warn your followers that you are doing so, so that those who may already be overwhelmed by their own personal situations and unable to bear any additional emotional load, can "leave" you for 24hours. For while it is good to share important events good and bad, it is also good to take steps to care for your friends and maximize their happiness.
  3. Step 3: Dress in black. Tie optional. If you lack sufficient black clothing, choose nice, clean clothing with dark muted hues.
  4. Step 4: Pack tissues and music for the drive. Here are the CDs I brought and listened to, in order:
    
    The Smiths - "The Queen Is Dead"
    
    The Cure - "Staring At The Sea"
    
    Depeche Mode - "Black Celebration"
    
    "The Crow" soundtrack
  5. Step 5: Attend funeral, give a moving speech, comfort their family, share stories. Be ready to perform whatever role is asked of you at the funeral, whether solemn bystander or pallbearer, accept it gracefully. Reach out with your feelings and give a speech from the heart. Keep it short. Afterwards, when attending the postceremony feast, tell stories of how your friend inspired you (continues to inspire you). Repeat the aforementioned warning to your Twitter followers, as some may be just joining you (from other timezones etc.).
  6. Step 6: Talk with your family, tell them you love them. Take scenic route home. One good way of coping with loss is acknowledging and appreciating what you have, and recognizing that appreciation out loud. Tell those that matter to you that they do matter to you. After such an emotionally strenous day, it may help if you can take a path home that presents you with beautiful views.
  7. Step 7: Plan exercise to metabolize emotion related neurochemicals. We are but biochemical machines, our emotions mostly ephemeral expressions of specific neurochemicals, and as such, subject to some degree of control. Physical exercise raises your metabolism which helps process those chemicals faster, as well as provides you natural pain-relieving and other neurochemicals which can help lift your mood.
  8. Step 8: Cook a simple meal at home, talk to friend, fall asleep watching a familiar hopeful movie, sleep-in. Eating a simple healthy meal can help improve your mood as well, and is especially well received by your body after physical exercise. Despite the steps you've taken, there's bound to be feelings left bouncing around your head. Talk with a friend or a few about them. Don't be ashamed of what you are feeling, be open and honest. Your friend(s) will understand and help you think through and process your feelings. A familiar hopeful movie can help reset your emotions a bit which will help you sleep. As the day has undoubtedly drained you, give yourself the next morning to sleep-in however long your body wants to.
  I leave you with a few positive paths.
  - Honor your close friend by remembering and repeating the inspirations and lessons you have learned from them.
  - Push yourself to complete a goal in their name.
  - Shape your feelings of loss and mourning over their death into a renewed awareness and appreciation of your life and those close to you.
  - Spend time with those close to you, tell them how you feel about them.
  - Live your life to its fullest.
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